Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize