Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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