Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize