now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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