how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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