I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I look better un-naked...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
