Im at strip club and am horny
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
