I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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