I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that