bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap