I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3