Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!