Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
