i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.