Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing