there's paper in my vomit.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
