Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
