just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
