This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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