Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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