He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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