Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize