i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
