It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
