dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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