Apparently you make a good broom.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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