yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
