why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
