The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
