census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
