We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
