that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Two words: blizzard sex
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
