There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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