She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
