need another drink. this is the easiest way
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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