Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
