so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
