Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
honey bunches of taint.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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