Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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