Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
