As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
