my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
