I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You can't motorboat a personality
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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