hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
