Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
