I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
