and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
