Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
