I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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