I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
