2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
