she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
