I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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