Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
me + whiskey = a bad person
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
