I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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