true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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