She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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