Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
