you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
