The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
