12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
