The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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