i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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