How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
