yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
