kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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