I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
be right there i have to get my cape
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
