Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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