I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
