i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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