had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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