just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
