I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
