His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
