I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
