Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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