Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
