i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
