i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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