Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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