I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
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Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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