He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she told me i tasted like america
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize