I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
