It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
