After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We got so high we made milksteak
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
