new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
